Maiden Voyage

By Amanda

When Alex and I got married, I decided not to change my name. It wasn't meant to be some sort of grand political statement, I just liked my name and wanted to keep it. What surprised me the most about my decision was other people's reactions to it. Responses ranged from "good girl!" (kind of ironic...) to "oh, how does your husband feel about that?" (he's fine with it, thank you very much). It seemed like everyone--friends, family, even coworkers--had an opinion.

For women of my post-feminism generation, the decision about whether or not to take your husband's last name is a sensitive one, maybe in part because of the extreme reactions we receive. About 50 percent of my married friends kept their last names and 50 percent changed their names, though it seems like everyone had some anxiety about the decision, worrying that they would either seem too feminist or too anti-feminist, depending on their political leanings. When I've asked friends about their decisions (more out curiosity than the desire to judge), I find that everyone has their elevator speech ready. Here are a few of my favorites:

• "I've always hated my last name, and I couldn't wait to ditch it. I would have kept my name if it was a name I could live with."
• "I hate my father, so I figure if I have to have a man's last name, it might as well be a man I like."
• "No one can spell my maiden name. I love having a last name that I don't have to repeat five times when making reservations."
• "I didn't want to change my name, but it was really important to my husband. He made such a big deal about it, I just gave in."

In Belgium, it's much easier. It's common for women to use their maiden names for legal purposes throughout their lives, even after marriage. Any children are given the father's last name, but the family is always known by a hyphenation of the two names. Simple, right? When we moved to Brussels I thought, finally, we had found a system we could easily fit into. The catch is, once people find out we are American, I find myself answering the familiar question.